I have tried to put these posts into some kind of Chronological order but have been very unsuccessful at it. Well, there's a reason for that. You see, I lay in bed at night thinking of all these things and as I think about them, is how I write about them, so you now know the reason for the mixing up in the order. Besides, life has no particular order......so it's said. By whom??? I don't know.
I guess I had always had some kind of a sense of humor and being an extrovert it was easy for me to express myself in humorous dialogue. This funny bone started to really show during my SAS years and really took off towards the end of my career. I was asked by some friends to do little speeches at birthday party's, retirement party's, weddings, and luncheons. They primarily consisted of jokes but I learned how to relate to my family or other people's family's in a humorous way. I was always told by my parents that one should not be mean to another or talk down to them and that I do not do. I can actually hold a conversation that people believe is really true, but in reality is fiction. My grand kids are my greatest audience. I sit and talk with them about so many things, they will immediately turn to grandma and say "Grandma is that true" Only after grandma confirms the truthfulness will they continue to talk about that subject. If grandma shows any signs that I am exaggerating they loose interest.
One thing I have found is that you cannot laugh at anyone until you are able to laugh at yourself, guess that's why so many of my screw ups in life are so damn funny. My secret is to take a joke and replace all the names with names of people I know even if it means my own family. On the other hand, my family has been able to keep me in stories to last well beyond my time on earth. Some say that telling stories about my dead relatives is evil. Evil to who? they don't know about it. Now, when I am asked to do a speech for example at a party for someone turning 60, I just remember a joke and replace names with the name of the person having the party. A very pretty Italian lady with a very nice figure for her age recently turned 60 and I was asked to give a little roast. The story went like this.
"I remember Pia when she was 30 and here I am once again. Seems like she only wants to see me every 10 years. When she was thirty, she always wore tight sweaters and mini shirts, well as you can see she no longer wears tight sweater and mini skirts, now its just a baggy sweatshirt and a long skirt,...now I don't want to say that her breast started to fall but.........seems that her nipples started to show...........she is the only lady I know that can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time." " Pia, also loved to go for mud packs to make her skin really shine, well, the last mud pack was 2 days ago and she looked really good, today the mud started to fall off." Pia recently discovered that wrinkles were beginning to appear in her face and neck so off to a plastic surgeon she goes. She sat down for her free 1 hour diagnosis and the surgeon prepared her for hearing the worst. Pia your getting old and with age come wrinkles, however through research, a new procedure was discover and we can perform an operation that can take care of most wrinkles. I can insert a knob in the top of your head and you can cover it with your natural hair if you wear a bun around it. Every time you see some wrinkles starting to show, just turn this knob one quarter of a turn clockwise and the wrinkle will disappear. Well, Pia goes home and with each sign of a wrinkle off came the bun and a one quarter turn pulled the skin up to a tighter position. The went on for 3 years until one day Pia finds herself at the doctors office. Doctor I have these bags under my eyes and I just can't get rid of them. What shall I do? Doctor looks at them and finally discovers the cause, telling Pia, I'm sorry those are not bags under your eyes, the tightening of the skin has simply pulled you boobs up further than expected........OH! , that explains the mustache!!!!!!! Good Night folks.
