Believe me when I say.................Flying is not dangerous, If one was to look at the amount of flights there are in any day and run statistics on the amount of people aircraft all over the world carry on that particular day in comparison to the amount of mishaps, you would understand that flying is the safest mode of transportation. However, having said that I look back over my close to 40 years in that business and some of the funniest things have been said or done. A few come to mind immediately and I must tell you that they happened not only to the airline I was with but to many other airlines in the world. One thing needs to be mentioned, airline employees seem to have a great compassion for their industry. It's almost inevitable that when airline people gather together two subjects dominate the conversation....................airlines and the daily happenings...............'n'............sex.
Now, in my travels I have met so many airline employees all over the world and notably we still correspond, well most of us correspond, the balance are taking their place in heaven.............some in hell.
I remember talking with a guy who told about someone with his then airline that was sent over to a hanger to get an aircraft to bring to the flight line for preparation for a soon to depart flight. This guy jumps on his aircraft tug, a very powerful piece of equipment that can pull an aircraft not under power to any location on an airfield. Now, he is just tugging this DC8 along at a speed of under 5mph, ...looks down at his watch...and discovered it was time to go to lunch. He came upon an opening between two hangers and for a split moment looses fact that behind him rolls this DC 8 jet. He makes a left turn to go between the building .......BUT.......comes to an abrupt stop when the wings of the jet just happen to be wider than the opening he was passing threw. Needless to say, this aircraft was immediately brought back to the hanger for repair of some 2' on the outer edge of each wing. Best part is that the guy was promoted to supervisor, sent to another station and never had to tug an aircraft again.
Another time, someone told me about a mechanic handling a departure of an aircraft. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with what goes on ramp side, this was a corrective action to a very small problem. Sometime during the DC 8 era, some aircraft were known to have very minor problems in getting the starting engine started. Many different methods were used but at some out stations where you don't always have the luxury of very expensive equipment, one must use his imagination. It just so happened that this mechanic was communicating with the flight deck in the start up procedure when this little situation happened. The jet blades simply would not turn for some reason. The mechanic realized that you could shut down all procedures and begin the whole process over again.........or he could use a little imagination. Picking the latter.......he very methodically put down his headset.......walked over to his truck and after a few seconds headed back to the aircraft with a rubber mallet. Of course, watching this were perhaps a dozen or so spectators glaring out the windows of the terminal preparing to wave goodbye to some passengers. The whole scene took new shape, when out of the blue, this mechanic started to BEAT THE HELL out of engine number 1 with this rubber mallet........you could almost hear all the spectators gasp at this action. He calmly stood there for a moment as the blades of this jet engine started to slowly rotate picking up speed, a small puff of smoke and the engines started to roar. The mechanic walked over to where his headset sat on the ground, picked it up ...........stepped back about 20 feet.........gave a thumbs up.............a nice salute to the Captain...........unplugged his headset and watched this aircraft taxi away from the gate..............thank goodness for rubber mallets. None of the ground staff wanted to go back into the terminal to face all these questioning spectaters.
I remember a time when I first started to work at Kennedy International airport in New York. It was a few months after an aircraft went into Jamaica bay on takeoff and remained in a lot of people minds. In those days, it was always a cat and mouse game that airline personnel had to play with customers regarding hand baggage. According to all the rules, passengers were to have ALL and I do mean ALL baggage weighted regardless if it was checked or carried on. A close check of these weights were made to assure that no aircraft was over takeoff limitations. Now, in all due respect, passengers were given a weight limit and had to pay for any overage......BUT.......in reality, if a passenger followed all the rules and was over by some 5-6 pounds, most agents would forget the overcharge but indeed would record the correct weight total. Having said that, I must admit that there were some agents that would charge their mother for being one pound over........so..........one of the questions to the passenger was IS THIS ALL YOUR BAGGAGE?
If the passenger replied yes,we would simply put this little tag on the handle of the bag to alert the gate agents that this bag was indeed weighted. If the gate agent saw any baggage passing though the gate without a tag, they had to immediately call over the supervisor. It was now the supervisors job to establish if this passenger did have this bag weighed or not. At the same time, the passenger felt that it was their responsibility to GET AWAY with as much as possible........so now the head bucking began. There was a supervisor that was skilled at this. He simply introduced himself and asked where the little dated tag was that was placed on the bag at the ticket counter, the passenger was usually so surprised at this time they would just begin to stutter and make up all kinds of excuses. The supervisor would very calmly remind the customer of the accident a month before, and explain that all baggage had to be weighted simply because the aircraft could only carry so much. The flight crew depends on the figures fed into them at departure time and usually took the option to
1- accept more fuel for the trip.
2. accept more cargo.
both factors based on the weight at take off. IF, our supervisor would go on, these weights coming in from all areas unknown to the passengers resulted in an overage, the aircraft would (now with a simple hand jester ) end up in the water. It was at this point that the passenger would volunteer to give up all hand baggage THEY KNEW was not weighted including the names and addresses of other offenders plus immediately pay for any overage. OOOOHHHHHHH!! the looks on their faces..........if they were only honest to begin with..............
Stories like these two went on for almost forty years and as that time went pass, the stories got funnier and funnier.
Another time, someone told me about a mechanic handling a departure of an aircraft. Now, for those of you unfamiliar with what goes on ramp side, this was a corrective action to a very small problem. Sometime during the DC 8 era, some aircraft were known to have very minor problems in getting the starting engine started. Many different methods were used but at some out stations where you don't always have the luxury of very expensive equipment, one must use his imagination. It just so happened that this mechanic was communicating with the flight deck in the start up procedure when this little situation happened. The jet blades simply would not turn for some reason. The mechanic realized that you could shut down all procedures and begin the whole process over again.........or he could use a little imagination. Picking the latter.......he very methodically put down his headset.......walked over to his truck and after a few seconds headed back to the aircraft with a rubber mallet. Of course, watching this were perhaps a dozen or so spectators glaring out the windows of the terminal preparing to wave goodbye to some passengers. The whole scene took new shape, when out of the blue, this mechanic started to BEAT THE HELL out of engine number 1 with this rubber mallet........you could almost hear all the spectators gasp at this action. He calmly stood there for a moment as the blades of this jet engine started to slowly rotate picking up speed, a small puff of smoke and the engines started to roar. The mechanic walked over to where his headset sat on the ground, picked it up ...........stepped back about 20 feet.........gave a thumbs up.............a nice salute to the Captain...........unplugged his headset and watched this aircraft taxi away from the gate..............thank goodness for rubber mallets. None of the ground staff wanted to go back into the terminal to face all these questioning spectaters.
I remember a time when I first started to work at Kennedy International airport in New York. It was a few months after an aircraft went into Jamaica bay on takeoff and remained in a lot of people minds. In those days, it was always a cat and mouse game that airline personnel had to play with customers regarding hand baggage. According to all the rules, passengers were to have ALL and I do mean ALL baggage weighted regardless if it was checked or carried on. A close check of these weights were made to assure that no aircraft was over takeoff limitations. Now, in all due respect, passengers were given a weight limit and had to pay for any overage......BUT.......in reality, if a passenger followed all the rules and was over by some 5-6 pounds, most agents would forget the overcharge but indeed would record the correct weight total. Having said that, I must admit that there were some agents that would charge their mother for being one pound over........so..........one of the questions to the passenger was IS THIS ALL YOUR BAGGAGE?
If the passenger replied yes,we would simply put this little tag on the handle of the bag to alert the gate agents that this bag was indeed weighted. If the gate agent saw any baggage passing though the gate without a tag, they had to immediately call over the supervisor. It was now the supervisors job to establish if this passenger did have this bag weighed or not. At the same time, the passenger felt that it was their responsibility to GET AWAY with as much as possible........so now the head bucking began. There was a supervisor that was skilled at this. He simply introduced himself and asked where the little dated tag was that was placed on the bag at the ticket counter, the passenger was usually so surprised at this time they would just begin to stutter and make up all kinds of excuses. The supervisor would very calmly remind the customer of the accident a month before, and explain that all baggage had to be weighted simply because the aircraft could only carry so much. The flight crew depends on the figures fed into them at departure time and usually took the option to
1- accept more fuel for the trip.
2. accept more cargo.
both factors based on the weight at take off. IF, our supervisor would go on, these weights coming in from all areas unknown to the passengers resulted in an overage, the aircraft would (now with a simple hand jester ) end up in the water. It was at this point that the passenger would volunteer to give up all hand baggage THEY KNEW was not weighted including the names and addresses of other offenders plus immediately pay for any overage. OOOOHHHHHHH!! the looks on their faces..........if they were only honest to begin with..............
Stories like these two went on for almost forty years and as that time went pass, the stories got funnier and funnier.
One other I remember so vividly. At the check in counter one evening a passenger and a check in agent was having a little conversation about excess baggage and the cost to ship it. The conversation eventually led to the passenger informing the check in agent....."you know, young man........Swissair never charges me excess baggage.........it's only you that wishes to make this trip uncomfortable for my family." " Well, sir, If you wish, I will be more than happy to endorse your ticket over to Swissair and that would bring comfort back to your family" As it turned out, the passenger agreed to that, took his baggage and family out the door and over to Swissair. The moment the passenger was out of sight, the agent picked up the phone, called Swissair and advised them that a passenger, who just claimed that Swissair NEVER charged for excess baggage.....was on his way over to them with his family to leave on their flight. Immediately after that, the agent placed a note into the passengers record. Twenty minutes later, low and behold, the passenger and his family were back.....BUT..... selected another line to check in. When it came his turn to check in, the agent checked the record, and informed the passenger that according to his record he had cancelled his flight and could only STAND BY for the flight. OOOOHHHHHH!!!!! to see the blood, rush out of the guys face and than back up again. It just so happened, that the original agent just noted in the passengers record that the guy was just being stupid and lets have some fun. The guy and his family did get out on the flight but this is reason enough NEVER........NEVER.........mess with the minds of airline employees.
