I would like to begin this blog with a little video I found. It's from a vaudeville act that I believe is from the 1980's. Take a peek at it Check out the video marked JOVERS. from the list.
http://www.youtube.com/user/nharrington1?
During my annual health examination My doctor suggested to me that I should become more involved in some sort of exercise. She usually does this each and every year........this year she seemed to be a little more insistent, even to the point that she made the call to a local Health and exercise club and made my first appointment for me with the head ............ personal instructor, Ingrid. She also suggested I keep a daily log and than suggested we meet again at the end of the first week ............along with my log.
I called the training center and confirmed my appointment with my personal coach......Ingrid, who is a 26 year old girl who besides the job as a personal trainer is also is the aerobics instructor and models for a swimwear company in her off hours.
Monday:
I got up at 06.00. It was really tough to get up so early, but when I got to the training center, where Ingrid was waiting at the front desk It suddenly became much easier. Ingrid is superb! She has blond hair, stunning blue eyes and a charming smile..........This all went well with her TALL beautifully shape body that sat upon her long legs. We were a perfect match, she at 6'1" 125 lbs ....me at 5'11' AND 240 lbs.
We started with a tour of the facility. Ingrid showed me the machines and the first thing I had to do was run on the treadmill. After five minutes, Ingrid took my pulse, and she seemed a little worried about how high they were..... What she did not understand was that my heart rate was high because she was so close to me in her tight Lycra outfit, I'm in top shape otherwise! When we did sit-ups Ingrid pushed me and I struggled on, even though I was sick in the stomach after the sit ups and push ups and especially since I met her at the reception. After the session I enjoyed watching how smoothly Linda moved during her aerobic workouts, thinking that she is just as good inside as she is with me. This will be a FANTASTIC week!
Tuesday:
I had to drink two pots of coffee to get up, but eventually I was outside the door on the way to training. Ingrid forced me to lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then..... she put weights on it too! My legs felt like spaghetti on the treadmill, but I made quite a few kilometers. The smile I got from Ingrid when I stepped off the treadmill made it more than worth my while. I feel great! This is the second day of my new life!
Wednesday:
I tried to brush my teeth, and the only way that was possible was to hold the head of the toothbrush steady and move my mouth back and forth over it. I think I have tightening of the hernia muscles, along with chest pain. I managed to drive as long as I did by not have to steer or brake. I parked in a disabled parking spot at the Training Centre. Ingrid was a little insensitive today and claimed that my screams bothered others who train at the facility. TODAY I have realized that her voice is a little too bouncy for these early mornings, and when she yells at me, she gets a nasal tone that is really annoying. I had pains in my chest when I was on the treadmill, so instead .......I had to stand on the stair machine........ Who the hell has invented a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the elevator? Ingrid said it would help me get in shape and increase my enjoyment of life or something.......... She talked a lot of other shit too.
Thursday:
Ingrid was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth in a grimace image of a smile, but the grim smile was easily outdone by the shape of her thin body that revealed everything. I could not help that I was a half hour late - it took me 20 minutes just to tie my shoes! Ingrid forced me to work out with dumbbells. When she looked away, I took the opportunity to run and hide in the men's locker room. She had some nerve by sending Lars to fetch me, and then she put me on the rowing machine as punishment. I felt so abused and mistreated by Ingrid.
Friday:
I hate the little bitch! Ingrid is the most loathsome creature to man.... ever born on this planet..... EVER! Stupid, anorexic little personal.......trainer. If I could move even one small part of my body, in this horrible pain, I would beat her with it. Ingrid wanted me to work on my triceps. .....I HAVE NO triceps! If she did not want me half dead.......(.as she described it) .......on the floor then she should not have given me those (% & # #% ¤ & dumbbells, or anything heavier than a sandwich for that matter. (I'm sure she learned all these so call exercises at a Sadist School - where she had been an honor student in the subject "to inflict pain") Today, even the treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health advisor., I wish I had landed on something softer, than a muscle bound show off guy also vying for attention from Ingrid.
Saturday:
Ingrid left a message on my answering machine this morning, in that disgusting, bouncy, squeaky tone she has. She wondered why I did not show up today. The sound of her voice made me want to smash the speaker with the first blunt tool I could find, but unfortunately I lack the strength to even press the buttons on the remote control. Oh !! my poor body will never be the same.
Sunday:
I went to early Church service today to thank God that this week is finally over. I also prayed to God that my Doctor (that bitch!) who talked me into even going to this health club would retire ........SOON AND that my wife ........who paid for this week would consider giving me a more fun gift next year...........for example, a root canal or a hefty intestinal cleansing.
Keep Cool and see you soon with another posting.
